The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

A Cheatsheet for Leading "Above the Line" based on the work of Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Warner Klemp.

Leading from Above the Line

Conscious leadership involves recognizing whether you are operating " " or " ".

Leading from Above the Line means being open, curious, and committed to learning. You experience trust and security.

Leading from Below the Line means being closed, defensive, and committed to being right. Driven by (often unconscious) fear and the ego's need to survive.

  • Below the Line: Primary commitment is to being right; defensive; closed; reactive; ego-driven survival based on perceived threat (real or imagined).
  • Above the Line: Primary commitment is to learning; curious; open; leading from security and trust. Enables creativity, innovation, and collaboration.
  • The Shift: Actively moving from a below-the-line state (closed, defensive, right) to an above-the-line state (open, curious, learning). A master skill of conscious leaders.
  • : The foundation is knowing your state and telling yourself the truth.

The first mark of conscious leaders. The ability to accurately perceive one's own state (thoughts, feelings, body sensations, above/below the line) without judgment or distortion.

Four Contexts (Ways of Leading): (See Details)
  • Victim consciousness, blaming external factors.

    • Below the Line state. Life happens 'to me'. Victim consciousness: seeing oneself as 'at the effect of' external people, circumstances, or conditions. Characterized by blame and lack of responsibility.

  • Taking responsibility, focuses on learning from experiences.

    • Above the Line state. Life happens 'by me' or 'for me'. Creator consciousness: taking 100% responsibility for creating one's experience. Seeing events as opportunities for learning. Asks 'What can I learn?'

  • Aligned with a higher purpose or flow.

    • Above the Line state. Life happens 'through me'. Opening to something beyond the personal 'me'. Experiencing oneself as a channel for creativity, purpose, or flow. Characterized by surrender.

  • Embodies oneness and universality.

    • Above the Line state. Life happens 'as me'. Experiencing oneness or unity consciousness. Realizing there is no separation and often, no personal 'me'. Questions cease.

1: Taking Radical Responsibility

Commit to for your life and well-being.

Seeing yourself as the creator and source of your experiences and circumstances (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual). Locating the cause and control within, rather than blaming external events, others, or self. The gateway from 'To Me' to 'By Me' consciousness.

  • Shift from believing the world *should* be a certain way to accepting how it shows up (seeing reality).
  • Move from rigidity and self-righteousness to curiosity, learning, and wonder.
  • ; it's still toxic.

    • Self-blame is still 'below the line' and rooted in toxic fear (like blaming others). Responsibility focuses on learning and response ('response-ability'), not fault or shame.

  • Support others in taking responsibility (primarily by embodying it yourself).
  • Recognize and lead from levels 3-5.

    • 5 levels identified:

    1. Toxic Fear (blame/shame/guilt - leaves residue)
    2. Extrinsic ($/perks - leaves residue)
    3. Intrinsic (learning/purpose/autonomy)
    4. Play/Creativity/Genius
    5. Love

    Conscious leaders primarily use 3-5.

  • Identify drama and step out of it.

    • The dynamic driven by toxic fear where people play roles of Victim ('poor me', at the effect of), Villain (blamer), or Hero (over-functioning rescuer who avoids the real issue).

2: Learning Through Curiosity

Commit to growing in self-awareness and regarding every interaction as a learning opportunity. Prioritize learning over being right.

  • Curiosity is the path to rapid learning. End blame and criticism.
  • Key leadership predictors: , , Communication, Influence.

    • Knowing your internal state (thoughts, feelings, sensations) and locating yourself above/below the line.

    The ability and willingness to learn from experience and apply that learning to perform successfully under new or first-time conditions. Highly valued by conscious leaders.

  • Pause, breathe consciously, and ask: "Where am I - above or below the line?" Accept the answer without judgment.
  • is a key shift move and state of consciousness.

    • Open-ended curiosity without needing an immediate answer or solution. Exploring the unknown, asking questions like 'I wonder what...?'

  • Practice to interrupt reactivity.

    • Consciously moving from Below the Line (closed, defensive, right) to Above the Line (open, curious, learning). Examples: Conscious breathing, changing posture, asking wonder questions.

3: Feeling All Feelings

Commit to feeling your feelings fully through to completion using , breath, movement, and vocalization.

Paying attention to physical sensations in the body associated with emotions. Locating where the feeling (energy in motion) manifests physically.

  • Feelings aren't distractions; resisting or repressing them is. Access all centers: head (thinking), heart (feeling), gut (instinct/intuition).
  • Primary emotions: . Label sensations accurately.

    • Anger (boundary setting/destroying old), Fear (alertness/need for presence), Sadness (letting go), Joy (celebration/connection), Sexual Feelings (creativity/creation).

  • Feelings release naturally if not prevented (repression) or intensified by thoughts (recycling). Allow their full life cycle ().

    • Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte-Taylor suggests emotions are just physiological sensations lasting ~90 seconds if not perpetuated by thought loops.

  • Distinguish authentic joy (unconditional well-being) from circumstantial happiness (dependent on external events).
  • Release process: .

    • 1. Locate the sensation (What are the bits doing?). 2. Breathe into it. 3. Allow/Accept/Appreciate it. 4. Match experience with expression (Move and Vocalize to match the sensation).

4: Speaking Candidly

Commit to saying what is true for you () and being someone others can express themselves to ().

Revealing your authentic experience (facts, thoughts, feelings, sensations) responsibly, without withholding. Contrasts with concealing or manipulating. Rooted in love, not fear.

Listening without filters (fixing, diagnosing, correcting, defending etc.) to understand the other's facts, feelings, and core desires. Requires presence and managing one's own reactivity.

  • Reveal withheld thoughts, opinions, judgments, feelings, sensations (leads above the line). Withholding drains energy and creates disconnection.
  • Truth, Openness, Awareness.

    • 1. Truth (accurate representation of inner state), 2. Openness (how much relevant info is revealed vs. withheld), 3. Awareness (consciousness of self/other/impact during reveal). Requires all three.

  • Reveal what is to avoid drama and promote clarity.

    • Statements about your own direct experience (thoughts, feelings, sensations) that others cannot reasonably dispute (e.g., 'I'm having the thought that...'). Concept from the Hendricks Institute. Ends drama.

  • Ask, "How is this true about me?"

    • Recognizing your projections (attributing your own traits/feelings/motives to others). Ask, 'How is this judgment about them actually true about me?' Owns the projection instead of blaming.

  • Listen for feelings (heart center) and underlying desires (gut/instinctive center), not just content (head center).
5: Eliminating Gossip

Commit to ending by talking directly *to* people you have an issue with, using candor.

Talking *about* someone (esp. negatively or critically) when they aren't present, particularly regarding an issue you have with them, OR saying things you wouldn't say if they were present. Includes listening to gossip. Driven by fear, need for validation, control, etc.

  • Encourage others to speak directly to the person involved.
  • Listening to gossip is participating in it. Set boundaries.
  • Distinguish clearly between and the you create about them. Drama comes from believing stories are facts.

    • Observable, verifiable data points (what a video camera would record). Objective.

    Interpretations, assumptions, judgments, opinions, beliefs, meanings we assign to facts. Subjective and arguable.

  • Being means full expression, often using a structured process like the Clearing Model.

    • Achieved through full expression: saying everything related to the issue (facts, stories, feelings) and feeling all feelings through to completion. Use a Clearing Model.

6: Practicing Integrity

Commit to masterful .

Wholeness, alignment, congruence. Means unbroken energy flow, matching inner experience with outer expression, and alignment with purpose. More than just morality/ethics.

  • Four pillars: Radical Responsibility (C1), Speaking Candidly (C4), Feeling Feelings (C3), and .

    • Doing what you said you would (or wouldn't) do by when. Includes agreements with self and others.

  • Breaches block energy flow and cause disengagement. There's no "small" breach ().

    • Concept attributed to leadership expert Tom Peters, emphasizing that even minor integrity lapses erode trust.

  • Know when to lead unilaterally (assigning) vs. bilaterally (agreeing). Agreements require a .

    • A total and unequivocal YES from mind, emotions, will, and body. Necessary for making conscious agreements.

  • Impeccable people promptly.

    • Communicating as soon as you know you won't keep an agreement to change the 'what' or 'when', before the deadline passes.

  • Continuously clean up breaches using tools like the (unfelts, unsaids, unkepts, unowneds).

    • A practice of reviewing and addressing: Unexpressed feelings (Commitment 3), Unspoken truths/withholds (Commitment 4), Broken agreements (Commitment 6), and Unacknowledged responsibilities/blame (Commitment 1).

7: Generating Appreciation

Commit to living in , fully open to both receiving and giving it genuinely.

Defined as having two parts: 1. Sensitive Awareness (paying attention, noticing fine distinctions) and 2. Increase in Value (intending for relationships/circumstances to become more valuable).

  • First step is . What you place attention on grows.

    • Paying attention with fresh eyes to notice nuances and details in people and situations.

  • Refusing appreciation (e.g., deflecting, downgrading) robs the giver and denies a truth about yourself.
  • Aim for a high ratio () of appreciation to criticism.

    • Research by John Gottman on successful marriages suggests a ratio of approx. 5 positive interactions (like appreciation) to 1 negative one (like criticism) is optimal. Applied broadly here. Gottman Institute

  • Masterful appreciation includes: .

    • 1. Sincerity (genuine feeling). 2. Unarguable truth (based on observation, not judgment). 3. Specificity (clear details). 4. Succinct language (often completable in one exhale).

  • Appreciation (recognizing value) grows connection, contrasting with (expecting rewards without gratitude).

    • Believing you deserve something without expressing gratitude. Expecting rewards/benefits automatically rather than appreciating them when given.

8: Excelling in Your Zone of Genius

Commit to expressing your full magnificence and supporting others to live in their .

Activities you are uniquely gifted for, love doing so much they don't feel like work, and that energize you. Often hard to self-identify because they feel natural. Concept from 'The Big Leap' by Gay Hendricks. More Info

  • Identify activities aligned with innate talents and passions vs. zones of , , or .

    • Things you do poorly and dislike. Should be stopped or delegated.

    Things you do adequately but others could do as well or better; unsatisfying.

    Things you do very well, get accolades for, but don't truly love or get energized by. Where many successful people get stuck.

  • If an activity is a "dead-end" (Incompetence/Competence): stop, delegate, or do it differently (find play/creativity).
  • Fear often guards the line between Excellence and Genius, related to the (Gay Hendricks).

    • Unconscious beliefs that limit how much success, love, or happiness we allow ourselves, causing self-sabotage when things get 'too good'. Common limiting beliefs: feeling flawed, disloyalty, success as burden, outshining others.

  • Use tools like the or to identify your genius.

    • Emailing 30-50 contacts asking specific questions about when they see you most energized/at your best to identify genius themes.

    Analyzing ~8 stories from your life where you loved what you were doing AND did it well to find recurring genius patterns.

9: Living a Life of Play and Rest

Commit to creating , , and laughter. Maximize by honoring rest, renewal, and rhythm.

Absorbing, apparently purposeless activity providing enjoyment, suspending self-consciousness and sense of time. Self-motivating. Contrasts with seriousness, effort, and struggle.

Adapting creatively to what life presents ('Yes, And...') instead of trying to force or control outcomes.

Managing physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual energy (as per Loehr & Schwartz) is key to sustainable performance and well-being, more vital than just time management.

  • See life unfold easefully and effortlessly, releasing struggle.
  • Co-create playfully with others (e.g., using ).

    • Playfully adopting different roles or attitudes to shift perspective and unlock creativity, especially when stuck or in conflict.

  • Laughter (genuine, lighthearted) indicates playfulness.
  • Rest (naps, breaks, sleep, Sabbath) boosts productivity and creativity ().

    • Studies cited (e.g., NASA, David Rock) show breaks/rest improve focus and problem-solving, countering the 'busier is better' myth.

  • Energy management requires honoring natural life rhythms (sleep/wake, seasons, sprint/recovery). Confront .

    • Compulsive working (excessive hours, constant checking, obsessive thinking) used to avoid facing present-moment experiences (feelings, stillness). Common and often denied addiction.

10: Exploring the Opposite

Commit to seeing that the opposite of your story () is as true or truer than the original.

Your beliefs, interpretations, judgments, and meanings you assign to reality. Stories are made up, not objective facts. Believing stories cause suffering.

  • Recognize you interpret the world; life itself has no inherent labels until we assign them. Take responsibility for being the "labeler."
  • Question all labels and the need to be right about your story.
  • Use inquiry methods like to become curious about all possibilities.

    • A process of inquiry created by Byron Katie involving four questions (Is it true? Can you absolutely know...? How do you react...? Who would you be without the thought?) and turnarounds (finding truth in opposites) to investigate stressful thoughts/stories. Official Site

  • Remain unattached to outcomes or needing your story to be 'right'. Shift from certainty to curiosity.
11: Sourcing Approval, Control & Security

Commit to being the of your own approval, control, and security.

Generating these feelings from within, based on inherent self-worth, self-acceptance and trust in life/self, rather than needing external circumstances, validation, or actions from others to provide them. Recognizing you already ARE/HAVE what you seek.

  • Humans' core wants: , , . Seeking them externally ("out-there-ness", "if-only-ness") leads to suffering because it stems from a belief in lack.

    • Desire to be loved, liked, valued, respected, belong.

    Desire to manage outcomes, people, self, circumstances.

    Desire for safety, survival (physical, financial, relational).

  • The issue isn't the wants themselves, but the , which implies lack.

    • The act of wanting implies lack. Recognizing that you inherently possess approval, control (over your responses), and security shifts the focus from seeking to experiencing.

  • Use release techniques like
    1. Identify the wanting.
    2. Welcome the wanting (allow it).
    3. Identify if it stems from seeking approval/control/security.
    4. Welcome it again; consider letting it go (Could I? Would I? When?).

    • A simple technique taught by Hale Dwoskin for letting go of limiting feelings and beliefs (like wanting) by welcoming them and asking simple questions (Could I welcome this? Does it stem from wanting A/C/S? Could I let it go?). Official Site

    1. Identify the wanting.
    2. Welcome the wanting (allow it).
    3. Identify if it stems from seeking approval/control/security.
    4. Welcome it again; consider letting it go (Could I? Would I? When?).
  • Rest as the awareness beyond wanting; experience inherent wholeness.
12: Having Enough of Everything

Commit to experiencing – having enough.

An internal state, context, or declaration of having/being enough (time, money, love, energy, resources), independent of external amounts. It's a knowing, not a quantity. Contrasts with scarcity mindset.

  • Challenge :
    1. There is never enough.
    2. More is better.
    3. That's just the way it is (hopeless/helpless).

    • Identified by Lynne Twist in 'The Soul of Money':

    1. Not Enough (fear-based belief resources are limited).
    2. More is Better (constant pursuit, never arriving).
    3. That's Just the Way It Is (hopelessness/resignation about scarcity).

    These justify unfulfillment and competition. More Info

  • Sufficiency is not an amount; it's an experience, a context, a knowing. "There is enough and we are enough." Shift perspective (e.g., time perception, money value) and practice presence (in the 'now', there is always enough).
  • Collaboration grounded in sufficiency creates prosperity (Lynne Twist).
13: Experiencing the World as an Ally

Commit to seeing all people and circumstances as perfectly suited for your growth.

Viewing challenges, difficulties, and even adversaries not as obstacles or enemies, but as opportunities or partners perfectly designed for your learning and growth. They don't need to intend to be allies; it's your perspective.

  • Shift out of comparison and competition; see everyone as equally valuable contributors to your learning.
  • Welcome pressure and challenge as catalysts for awakening, emergence, or growth (like muscles growing stronger after breakdown).
  • Ask: "If this person/circumstance were a perfect ally, what is here for me to learn?" "How is this 'for me'?"
  • Requires taking responsibility (C1) and curiosity (C2).
14: Creating Win-for-All Solutions

Commit to creating solutions that are a involved.

Seeking outcomes that benefit all stakeholders involved (win for me, win for the other, win for the organization, win for the whole system). Moves beyond win/lose (competition) or lose/lose (compromise) thinking rooted in scarcity.

  • Address issues considering the benefit for you, others, the organization, and the wider system/whole.
  • Requires shifting from scarcity (zero-sum game) to sufficiency (enough resources for all).
  • Relies on rather than competition (win/lose) or (often lose/lose).

    • Working together from a place of curiosity, candor, support, and sufficiency to find novel solutions benefiting everyone.

    Often requires each party to give something up, leading to suboptimal outcomes for everyone (lose/lose).

  • Integrates other commitments like Candor (C4), Curiosity (C2), Sufficiency (C12), and Allies (C13).
15: Being the Resolution

Commit to or solution that is needed.

Seeing what seems 'missing' or 'wrong' in the world not as a problem/lack, but as an invitation to embody the solution yourself. Becoming the change, contribution, or quality that is needed, rather than just identifying a gap or blaming. Starts with Being/Becoming, then Doing flows naturally.

  • See what's perceived as missing (e.g., communication, beauty, efficiency) not as lack, but as an invitation from life/the universe.
  • Accept the invitation (if a whole body YES) to embody the required quality or contribution.
  • Ask: "What is the universe inviting me to be or become related to what I perceive as missing?" Focus on 'being' first, then 'doing'.
  • Moves beyond apathy, resentment, or blame about perceived problems.